Finding My Happiness

“Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.” —Jaques Prevert

You would often say to me “Jane, be happy” and I know that you would hate to see me as unhappy as I have been these last few months. So I am making steps to find my happiness again. It’s not that I am unhappy all the time – there are always the moments of happiness that creep up on me and take me by surprise. It’s just that there were more of them when you were around.

I knew when my marriage failed that I was not destined to be alone, I am a people person and I value those I hold close beyond all else. So I actively sought you out, sifting through the chaff of internet dating was a bit like panning for gold in the River Thames. I know I struck lucky.

You put the smile back on my face. You gave me memories to treasure. You made me feel loved & beautiful and cherished. You held me when I cried. You shared my laughter. You loved my children. You even cleaned the oven! We talked for hours and hours.

Your last visit we talked about getting married. Your last contact was troubled yet hopeful “life is so difficult here, but I dream of growing old with you all”.

The trouble is I am still that same person who wants a special someone in their life but I cannot see how anyone could withstand comparison to you. Unresolved grief they call it.

There is no difference between happiness and love. Will I ever know what happened?

In the mean time I have decided grain by grain, to try & find my happiness and this is part of the process.

 

distance

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4 thoughts on “Finding My Happiness”

  1. I find happiness in my children every single day but the older I get the more that I realise that they have their own lives and rightly so. At the moment that has to be enough because I am simply not ready to move on.

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